As I wind down this series of posts, I have been pondering what it really means to be in balance with the issue of independence... we humans are hard-wired to be tribal and inter-dependent, but it is also essential to be able to think critically and make a decision by yourself. Our planet and our culture are both facing very tough times, and pulling our collective know-how together really can make a difference. How we assert our independence, maintain and nurture our interdependence, and still take care of our planet is a life-long learning process. I hope you all have been enjoying having the same conversation with yourself as a result of this series.
17. MAKE LISTS and MARK ACHIEVEMENTS. Most of us are overly optimistic about what can be accomplished in a year, but underestimate what can be accomplished in ten years. See the broader plan, and pick several projects to start on (that’s right, several…). Do something on each one every day, or make it okay to focus on one for a while, until you tire of it, and then shift to another one.
We knitters already know what it's like to balance several projects at a time, and many of my knitblogging friends think in terms of what they will accomplish in a year, but I realized a few years back that I hadn't been all that great at thinking about where I would be in 10 years... I took many things for granted, such as thinking I would teach at the same two high schools until I retired. Then one closed. I have learned to be far more flexible and to look at fresh options, but I still can't say I have planned adequately for retirement.
I think this pointer would lend itself well to sitting down and writing a 'future story' about your life, imagining how you want it to look ten years down the road and including lots of detail. From this imagining, it is then possible to pull out 'work items' to steer your course in that direction. It is tricky keep in focus the fact that we can really only work on ourselves, but our influence spills over into our family and community in a general way.
I also love to celebrate, and believe heartily in acknowledging hard-earned achievements, be it finishing a sweater (photos forthcoming!!) or finishing grad school (threw myself a big party). Sharing your sense of success with others encourages them to do the same.... be a beacon of light.
18. Keep the LONGER VISION in mind, and understand how the interim is likely to play out, based on that vision. Give yourself the space to make decisions now that you know will not ultimately be your future course of action. To make sure you are heading in the right direction, ask yourself: “Is this moving me toward greater self-sufficiency?” “If I am using fossil fuel to accomplish this goal now, is this in service of my learning some greater skill, that I can later apply, to accomplished the goal without those inputs?” For example, if you know nothing about carpentry, power tools can make learning about wood a great deal easier. Once you are comfortable with putting things together, you can later apply those skills when using hand tools. A recumbent bike with a “power assist” can get you out there and riding that bike, so you get into better shape to later ride it without the assistance.
Taking steps towards greater self-sufficiency is all about a process.... I love these examples. I think deciding to work across the street from my home is becoming an example of this premise at work in my own life. I also am finding that even though I am using fossil fuel to drive to my LYS shop, my creative mind works well with that of my employer's, and we are finding new ways to help other people become more self-sufficient thorugh doing/making for themselves, so it feels right now like a good trade-off. I will also be sharing some of my knowledge about food preservation with the parents in my program this fall, as I want to make sure that a new generation retains those cultural skills... we will be needing them as part of living and eating local.
19. Understand how the “herd mentality” is likely to impact you, and try to GET OUT AHEAD OF THE CROWD, instead of being trampled underneath it.
I never thought of myself as a follower until I started reading lots of knitting blogs. Soon, there I was getting in line to make the next popular item (not Clapotis, but definitely Mrs. Beetons and Calorimetry). Spinning some of my own yarn has helped me to step back and consider what I want to do with a fiber. Extra time to ponder while working on a hard project has also made me think about what I really need to make for my wardrobe, my home, my family and friends. Getting ahead isn't a concept I ponder much, but working on this series of posts helped me to appreciate how much self-sufficiency I had already been cultivating for the past few decades, and very grateful to be 'ahead' that way.
20. PROTECT YOUR MENTAL HEALTH as closely as you do your physical health. Depression, paranoia, drug and alcohol abuse, domestic violence, abandonment, verbal abuse, compulsive behaviors like overeating, gambling, cyber-sex, anonymous sex etc. are all common reactions to stressful times. Keep a tight grip on the loose reins of that mind of yours, and listen to other people who tell you they are worried about you and the way you are behaving. Find people, ideally true friends and family, to talk to about the pressures and ruminations you have—your deepest fears. If you need help, get it now, and make sure that help includes tangible ways for you to handle that stress better in the future. Talk about your mother only if it helps you understand how to live a more productive life TODAY and gets you moving in the direction you claim to want to go in. Make it okay to schedule “mental health” days..lyou know, those days when you are just taking time off from work to smell the roses, sleep late, schedule a ‘melt down,’ or otherwise live life.
I hosted our approximately monthly Knit Night last night and am so grateful to have like-minded friends. Not only do these grrls share a love of all things fibery, but they also share similar worldviews about living better in a small, rural community. I am extremely lucky to have a family who loves me, and the good sense (hard won) to know when something in my external world needs tweaking to make it healthier and more functional. I especially recommend taking a close look at your work life and determining if it is serving your greater good, not just paying the bills. You spend so much of your working hours in that venue, it sure better be a nurturing one!
21. Learn the difference between “HEALTHY PLEASURES” and ones that will burn out your neurochemistry and destroy your health. Most of us exaggerate our habitual way of being when under pressure, based on our personalities. For some of us, we’ll withdraw from other people and become isolated. For others, we throw ourselves into projects that make other people the focus, and ignore our own wellbeing. Some of us become instantly “action oriented” to manage our anxiety, without stopping to consider the purpose or goal of our actions. Others become immobilized, unable to make the simplest decisions, lest they turn out to be the wrong ones. Some become more self-centered, while others stop considering their own needs at all. Still others become dominated by destructive emotions and stop thinking clearly. Too much intellectualizing is the the direction others take, and this allows very little room for emotional expression or sympathetic connection with ourselves or others.
This is what makes giving “general advice” like “express your emotions” or “focus inward” so risky. Know in which direction to tend to err, and interrupt the pattern before it goes to extreme. Include people in your life that “balance out” those tendencies. If you are a “worry wart,” connect with someone who’s more carefree. If you tend to intellectualize, find an improvisational theater group. If you dramatize everything, befriend someone closer to a “brain” who “thinks” as a first response. And be prepared to be possibly annoyed by the personality difference.
This is great stuff! I don't feel a need to add any comments of my own. I can add that knitting and spinning, gardening, yoga and zen practice all help me when I feel out of balance, and so does hiking or snowboarding in the mountains. Find what works for you and make room for it!
22. Care for something NON-HUMAN. Eighty-five percent of us already do, whether its wild birds, squirrels, gold fish, a dog, cat or livestock. Scientifically, we’ve found out that caring for someone (or something) else is good for our mental and physical health. We’re likely to live longer through a life-threatening disease if we do. Spend time watching or interacting with this non-human, and access another part of your consciousness—perhaps and older, deeper part, and try to relax while you’re doing it.
Most of you know where I am on this one... the donkeys, dogs and cat that fill up space here at Slate Range Camp would earn their keep just for letting me care for them, since I learned long ago the truth of this item. I can add that being responsible for even one other being, be it child or non-homan teaches us important lessons in selflessness... after all, it really isn't all about me.
23. LIMIT THE ‘BAD NEWS.’ If you find yourself checking the news more than once a day, give it a break, for your own sake. Take a “news holiday” once in a while. Go be around something beautiful, like art or nature.
I love NPR, but turn on music when I have already heard the story... and take days off. I can't fix much of what I am hearing about and need to have a balance between the negative input and the positive. I like to be able to argue a point articulately, but don't need to read every snatch and snippet about the elections, the war, or any other subject to do that.
24. Make a list of the ‘TWENTY THINGS YOU LOVE TO DO’, and post it where you’ll see it every day. Write down, next to the item, when is the last time you did it, and whether you want to do it more (M) or less (L) often. Write down if it was something either parent did (P), and whether you’ll still be able to do it at 85 (85). If it costs money to do it, put a dollar sign ($) next to it. If you need to do it with a friend (F) or special friend (SP) note that. Now, rank-order them, just for fun.
EXAMPLE:
Item Last time? More/Less? Parents? 85? Cost? Friend/SP? Rank?
SING…TODAY……….. M…………Mom…. 85……_……… _………..1.
I haven't done this yet, but would be eager to hear what you learned from your results.
25. DON’T TRY TO CHANGE THE WORLD. Try just impacting your tiny corner of it. Make your street a nicer place. Plant a few fruit or nut trees. Join a neighborhood group. Expand your community food pantry. Get a regular “rent party” together and pass the hat for those who have lost their job or have unpaid medical bills. Next week, that person might be you. Pick up the garbage you come across, even if it isn’t yours. Remember that the world is bigger than you are, and that you don’t own the Earth or the things in it, you are a part of the Earth, and are owned by it.
This is so easy to do... and why I am so happy to be working at the early childhood program across the street from my house. When you stay in the same place, working to make a daily bit of difference, you WILL see change happen.
26. THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX. Just because people usually list 25 things, be different. List 26. Don’t follow the crowd, walk ahead of it. If they start following you, you’re a leader. If they don’t, you are ahead of your time or you are going in the wrong direction. In either case, enjoy the walk, and break your own rules once in a while.
And watch this video for more inspiration:
Capitola is a cute, beach resort town, south of San Francisco, and the summer weather was benevolent, especially for those of us escaping the heat wave in the interior of the state.
Allison's kimono while younger niece Jamie looks on.
The story unfolded, with help of modern technology, of how the two met (they had been acquaintances for six years before they started dating, and took advantage of Skype to carry on a long-distance relationship for several months before their marriage and Ryoko's move to the US).
Following the ceremony, we all shared a fabulous seven course luncheon, complete with toasting the new couple, led by my own handsome husband.
